We get on sooo well. He makes me laugh and he treats me like a princess. He has his flaws (but dont we all) and there are other copmplications which mean we cant have a relationship...
Anyway.... I told him that we couldnt be together but i wanted to stay friends and we have been friends but he has told me that he loves me and is finding it hard to deal with.
How do i help him?
I dont want to sever all ties as I adore him as a friend. Someone told me that you have to be cruel to be kind but i could never do that to him.... So your ideas please???How do you help someone who is in love with you, get over you?
Same here but in my case I love her. Note I do not write that I am in love *with* her because she doesn't love me; so there is no ';with';. She has the same view as you - a kind friend but nothing more. The truth is he can't have you so he has to let you go but he can continue to love you and you should tell him this.
I would do anything for this girl but our lives can never be more than those of friends. I am here for her if and when she ever needs my help in any way. But it is like a butterfly. Put it in a jar and it soon dies. You will have to gently explain that he can still love you but he has to understand what you mean by love (which is what I mean by this kind of love*) and what he means are different. But try and stay friends if you can. He has to learn love is not about possession. Tell him of course it is hard to deal with - it hurts deep inside your soul when you love someone that much, I know. And I hope this helps:
*
';Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.';
C S Lewis
So if he wants what is best for you and that means not having you then he really loves you.How do you help someone who is in love with you, get over you?
if that person loves you so much and you cannot return the feelings, i suggest
you ignore him...
ive been trapped to same person before and 10 years of courtship is not normal..
ive invented stories for him to just back off and it didnt work..
so i had to just hide, change numbers, and simply ignore him the whole time...
later on, youd juz realize he's not existing anymore...in that case, youd help him realize that youre not meant to be...
it's not you who would help him, it's himself!
Is there anyway you can stop seeing him, even if it means doing a night class on the night you and him go out in a group (If you do), If you aren't in a relationship you could tell him you aren't ready for one but if you are in a relationship tell him you aren't prepared to end that one, If you are't in a relationship but have been you could either say you are still getting over them or say you want some time without a bloke, If he works with you you may have to change your job, Without knowing your circumstances It is hard to give you better advice, I hope this helps, Good Luck.
give them time sweetheart time heals and all that crap xx
So what you're saying is, however much you ';adore'; him, you don't adore him enough to do what he actually needs you to do in order to help him? If he truly means that much to you then put his needs first. Maybe you can be friends sometimes in the future, but right now you need to let him move his life on.
No relationship ever seems simple to those involved in it. My genuine belief and my personal experience is that it is not possible for someone to just ';get over'; someone else whilst that person is still in their life.
i would tell him you don't want to spoil a good friendship by getting into a relationship with him because if you broke up that would be so terrible for the both of you. tel him you love him to but as your best friend and that's special to you
First of all, I'm glad that you've been so polite and caring enough to consider helping him and not breaking off. As a boy, I can relate to his situation. But I think it's fair enough on your part to have your freedom to choose. I don't understand why girls do this painful thing to boys who really love them. (And run after someone who doesn't give a damn.) But because you want to help him. I'll try to answer your question.
If you have really made the final decision about just keeping him as a friend, then I guess now he's the one who'll need to learn to 'just be friends'. But it is also possible that he may lose confidence in you as a friend and eventually drift apart.
Clearly, he is emotionally 'attached' to you. So it is important for him to 'detach' his mind from you. Chances are that he is more in contact with you than other girls. So if this balance is restored, then probably he'll learn to mix up with other girls instead of just being around you. If you stay in a group of other boys, it might reduce the 'passionate meetings' that he experiences everytime he meets you. At times, it will disturb him. If you don't want to break the friendship, spent more time in group. If it's a separate group (where all the group members are unknown to him) and you don't introduce him to this group, then he'll be left out and evetually learn to keep distance. Don't avoid him. Just help him to reduce the anticipation he has before meeting you. During this time, if you meet everyday, then he should learn to voluntarily diverge from you; for example - 'sorry i have some work i have to go'. Then he'll learn to become detached from you. detached doesn't mean breaking off - it's just means that there should be no obsession. Don't avoid. Just reduce contact.
Let things happen slowly enough to give him chance to get over you.
I cannot understand exactly (not enough info: I am imagining you being married or in a witness program) but the best you can do from what you wrote is : find him a girlfriend!
Good luck!
Tell him you love him too, but as a FRIEND and not romantically. Tell him you cherish his friendship and don't want to lose it and you feel bad that you can't reciprocate and that you don't see that changing any time soon (or ever)...and that it isn't because you don't adore him but it's just not there for you. Go on to explain that there is someone for everyone and that you don't feel romantic feelings toward him, but there are a lot of others out there that would be fools to pass him by, etc. etc. Boost his self esteem, but not to a point that he will have hope that there is a chance for romance.
If he continues to have issues, then you will need to move on and cut off contact with him because he could end up being an obsessive stalker type. You never truly know until it happens...and it always comes as a shock when it does. Believe me....you don't want to be dealing with someone who is obsessing over you!
You need to be honest with him, tell him that you think alot of him too but only in a friend sort of way.
You mustn't give him false hope, so dont even say to him ';if things were different'; or anything like that, this will only make him try and change those things and think that you want him too but those things are all that are stopping you.
Be honest. That is the kindest thing to do, that way there is no confusion and everything is straight forward, he might get a bit upset but not as much as he would if you dont put things straight now and let him carry on living in hope.
i hope this helps.
You say he states he is in love with you, but then question that ? Do you beleive him or not ? You seem really happy with the thought of him being close. If you dont beleive he loves you then ask him outright, but i am sure your heart will tell you the truth.
You say you adore him as a friend and if things had been different you would be having a relationship.
Sounds like you may have to get close to see if he means it and try it out. you have nothing to lose really, if it does not work out you will probably still be friends.. I dont agree with the cruel to be kind, that is mean and you burn your bridges with the friendship. There is obviouslyt more that you cant or are not able to tell. But i say you sound like you have a good friend and possible lover there. Go for it !
i think this is sad i feel for both of u but if he really is this great guy could u not just try and be in a relationship for both of ur sakes i think the fact ur asking for advice means u just want someone to say it will be ok but it might not be but the fact is life is too short and regrets are the thing that will hurt and tear u up inside the most !! if u never saw him again how would u feel ???
i think u should give it a go and enjoy it while it lasts u never no u could end up marrying this man !!! also u may never get someone who treats u as well as he does prince charming does not come along every day good luck x x x
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